Never Known Hunger: The benefits of having been poor (and are no longer)

     Do you have children who are picky with foods? They don’t eat one of the food groups or the portion isn’t big enough or they would have preferred to have had two desserts and no vegetables? It is beyond their ken to truly visualize not having food and being very glad to have any.

     Although this newsletter is titled to be about food, it is really about the realities of knowing what it is like to be without via experience and the blessings that exist when you can experience having it. It can apply to food, shelter, transportation, good water (I have this tendency to often say, after a long drink of water, “I love water”), clean air, safety, love, or whatever quality you can think of that is not inherent (though perhaps it should be).

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Growing up without

     Once upon a time (in a galaxy very close but seeming far away), my birth family went through many periods of financial struggle. I have never starved, wondering whether I would last to the next day, because my parents always somehow made it not be the case. Nor have I had to sleep in a car or a back alley. But I sometimes slept on the floor and then, when a paycheck came in, on a mattress on the floor.

     I most remember the periods of stretching food as far as we could (maybe that is why having good food is so precious to me nowadays). A few times we were on food stamps and I remember the three pound blocks of Velveeta (or some other processed cheese) and the two pound tubs of margarine. One of my uncles was stationed in Alaska and, for a couple of years, we received a case of canned salmon for Christmas. There were salmon burgers twice a week for the next two months.

     One of the dishes that lingered the most for me was “ham and beans”. This meant soup made with a ham hock and lima (or butter) beans. We had that five dinners a week for what seemed like months (though I am certain it wasn’t for that long). Although I can eat butter beans now (60 years later), it is always with memories rising to the surface.

     When buying clothes, they were purchased from the bargain racks of a local thrift store. I remember the delight I felt when I got a pair of bell bottom jeans three or four years after they were fashionable. They didn’t last long as the fabric was pretty thin but the rhinestone designs on them made me smile. Thank goodness, no one ever razzed me about them though, as I said, they were badly out of fashion and I never encountered anyone else with a pair while walking through the school aisles.

     I had relatives who had even less than I did so I sometimes felt “rich”. Feelings of richness or poorness is always a matter of comparison. I had a few friends whose families were “professional” (a banker’s son and a dentist’s son) and I slept over in the dentist’s son’s home a time or two. It was the first time I had ever even heard of an electric toothbrush.

Refugees and Immigrants

     In the case of a refugee, the movement from their country is not voluntary. They either no longer have a home or their home area is not safe for them (politically or physically). Immigrants have more control over their movement. They want to move and they have a chance to prepare for the move.

     In both cases, they have inherent motivation to do better in the new country than they were doing in their previous country. For a refugee, it may just be the chance to continue living. If jobs are available, they are usually willing to do any job that will allow them to survive. Often, these jobs are not in accordance with their prior positions or training. It is only when jobs are NOT available, that problems surface. Immigrants who have options have a lower crime rate than that those that already have citizenship including born citizens.

     I had a grandfather to my two older children who immigrated to the US. In his original country, he was an engineer. When he arrived, he no longer qualified to pursue his engineering career. He did a number of things including working with a fast food franchise and owning a health food store. He could not be an engineer but he could, and did, do what he could. This happens with many refugees, or involuntary immigrants. They drop from “professional” careers to labor careers.

     Although fictionalized, “Moscow on the Hudson” with Robin Williams is a good illustration of an immigrant/refugee’s process. Robin’s character took many different jobs to continue to survive. He was also fortunate to make some good, supportive, friends early in the process. Some immigrant/refugees have members of family to help. Some have support from others of their cultural, or ethnic, group. (Some are taken advantage of by others of their cultural, or ethic, group because they are ill-advisedly trusted.)

     In all cases, they have inherent motivation to do their very best.

No one wants to stay poor

     My parents were not always at the upper line of the lower income group. Sometimes they were at lower line of the middle income group. No vacations but they did have the ability to buy a home (in the 1960s, a steady income at minimum wage made such things possible) and they could send us to school and we had the privilege of being able to stay in school and study. No significant savings. I was supported in being the first of my family to graduate from college via social support arising from the death of my father (a Korean “Conflict” veteran) when I was 14.

     During those periods when my parents (and the children) lived on unemployment and food assistance, my brother and I could always hear them talking about possible jobs and methods of stretching what savings they had. As part of their midwestern job ethics, they wanted to leave unemployment and assistance as soon as possible.

     My father did various jobs and tried a few businesses. Alas, he had neither the background nor the preparation to make a business succeed. He only knew how to work hard and that, unless one is very lucky, is not enough.

What can be done?

     I truly think that all in the upper income brackets should be required to spend two years in the Peace Corps or equivalent self-supported situation. They should be required to learn what is needed to live when they don’t have access to hoards of resources most of which they cannot claim to have directly earned.

      Just having passed another Father’s Day, I find myself recollecting and recognizing some of what I did wrong while my children were growing up. (I am sure they have a longer list and, perhaps, leaving out some of things that I think of.) Although I don’t think that any sane parent would force deprivation upon their children when it is not required, I should have been much more ready to say “no” than to say “yes”. In particular, not having any choices for a number of years of their earlier years would probably have led to better hygiene and room cleanliness. Sets of chores would have been useful to them as well as the family. Helping me to repair things would have taught them more basic skills.

     What are my excuses? Well, number one was probably not wanting to be the “bad guy”. It is harder to justify a decision that requires constraint when living in a situation where there is no need for tight budgets. Another one, with which others (including professionals) agreed with, was to be “fair” and “consistent” with older half-siblings who basically did whatever they wanted to. I should have ignored their advice and my uncertainty.

Count your blessings

     There are songs about counting blessings. I truly do that. I don’t end up with a sum where I say “oh, I have 347 blessings today”. I just try to be aware of those blessings that I have. It is particularly useful when faced with a situation of anger or frustration. A driver does something rather dumb and I say to myself (sometimes out loud) “well, Charles, when you are a perfect driver, you can yell at others”. Sometimes my wife will complain that I am always trying to envision solutions to problems before they ever occur (and are often unlikely to occur) but the other side of that is that, by being aware of how things COULD go wrong, I am also very aware of my blessing of them not having gone wrong.

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The Fragility of Life

     Growing up, I was not in the very bottom of the the U.S.'s income classes but, as discussed in my blog on Democratic class structures, we were in the lower income region. This basically meant that we survived but we never quite knew how we were going to survive. Each day was a recognition that my father might not have a job after the end of that day, my mother might be heading out again to find yet another service job, and that it might even mean moving once again. But, in comparison to many, I was still lucky and blissfully ignorant of how bad it might be -- I always had food, shelter, clothing and, although I was aware of those who did not have such, since I had always had them, I still mostly felt that I would continue to have them.

     This stays with me, on a daily basis, as part of my individual psyche. Each day when I go to work, I recognize that I might not have a job when I come back. When I spend money I am concerned as to whether I am saving enough -- do I REALLY need that item -- or should it go into savings? But, if I put it into investments or savings, is it really safe? Should I, instead, live fully with my income as it is and just live with the reality that it might go away at any moment?

     Life is insecure. Life is fragile.

     My children haven't faced that environment and it is both good and bad. They don't have the fears and they do have a feeling of security. On the other hand, it is hard for them to really understand how others can be so concerned about their ability to live into the future. Empathy is also more difficult when you have always had store-made shoes in which to walk.

     Life is fragile. It can be fragile because you are aware that a job is something that not everyone has and which you might not have after the end of the day. Some groups face something even more directly tangible -- you might be dead because someone feeling anger, fear, or hatred decides to kill you as you walk along the street.

     Recognizing that life may end at a moment's notice affects the way people live. You live each day as best as you can -- or you give up (either option is possible with, in addition, complex mixing of both). You embrace family while, at the same time, you cherish them each day because either you, or they, may be lost before tomorrow. Or you reject family -- afraid of the pain that will occur if you lose them. You may live life loudly -- shouting instead of speaking -- out of joy of life. Or you may retreat into your own world drawing up the blanket to hope that the angels of death and misery will pass you by. Everything may be met with a laugh, perhaps your best shield against the pain and fear. Or there may be a blank face to the world trying to never give offense, never be noticed.

     In regions of the world where war and poverty are more prevalent on a daily basis, life is seen as ghostly. You don't name your children until they are one or two years old because the chances are good they won't live that long. Material objects become meaningless (or everything) because a bomb may take them away as you are sleeping. Knowledge becomes more important because, most of the time, that cannot easily be taken. At the same time, the ability to survive may be paramount and leave no time or energy for seeking out knowledge that is not able to be immediately put to use.

     Daily awareness, conscious or subconscious, of life's fragility molds the way many of us live our lives on a day to day basis. We may fight for greater opportunities and equality of treatment. Or we may take the other end of the teeter-totter and hold tight to what we have and denying others out of fear of loss of our own -- the fear of scarcity. We may look around and decide to blame others for our situation. Or we may look around and recognize what we do have and embrace that.

     As difficult as being aware of life's fragility may make life -- lack of awareness, in my opinion, is much worse. No fear for the future because it exists as a tantamount right and anything done to stay on top of the mountain is as natural as water running downstream. Everyone else deserves to be in an inferior, lesser, position, because the divine right of ownership and leadership belongs to oneself. If you have the power to do what will benefit you then you use it for such. More is never enough because you are entitled to it all.

     I don't have any decent arguments that indicate that reincarnation is a reality -- but it is something in which I WANT to believe. Each of us is placed in life with certain obstacles (even being rich can be an obstacle depending on the definition of the goal) and we struggle forward. Wouldn't it be nice to have further chances with newer, possibly less difficult, obstacles as we give it another try?