Empathy: Beyond the Definition

     “The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.”

     It is probably beyond the abilities of humans to be fully empathic with others. We are each unique individuals with unique histories and experiences. We are not mind readers (and, most of the time, I am extremely glad of that). Thus, the ability to understand and share the feelings of another has to be, at best, a partial ability. Saying such does not mean that we shouldn’t do the best job that we can.

     Most of our empathy is brought out by analogy. If we have suffered a severe illness, we have closely interacted with someone with a severe illness, or even if we know a person struggling with a severe illness — then we can empathize to a certain degree with those struggling with their own personal challenges. Is it possible to truly empathize without any knowledge of the effects of severe illness? I don’t know. If I take the definition word by word, I would have to say “no”. Perhaps sympathy is the best one can achieve but, once again, striving for the best we can do is always reasonable.

     Although empathy is primarily an emotional response, it can have historical and knowledge aspects. Being aware of what families, or groups, have had to deal with over the years is often relevant to the ability to understand and share in the present. Often, only those within the group can truly understand the ins and outs of the group but, once again, we can do the best we can.

     There are artificial divisions that can increase the difficulty in empathizing. The caste system in India, the ranks of nobility in those countries that still have such, or the amount of wealth or income in much of the world. My old blog — “The poor are from rich; the born rich are from Jupiter” — goes into some of the difficulties that people born within certain classes have in truly understanding, and empathizing, with people in other classes.

     Is it reasonable to expect someone who doesn’t have a budget, or limitation, on shopping to be able to understand someone who has to keep a running total of what they have in their shopping cart to prevent an embarrassing situation at the cashier? Perhaps they have never set foot in a grocery store? Probably not. I suggested in my blog and I suggest here, a requirement for all to spend time in the Peace Corp might be of great help in supporting empathy.

     We talk about the ability to understand and share — doesn’t everyone have such an ability? Except for psychopaths and sociopaths — for which non-empathy is part of the definition — I believe that most people have the ability and can enhance, and increase, it with continued use. Not all choose to go down that path. Some actively try to suppress their empathy and restrict the ability of others to express empathy. Much of this seems to stem from fear. Fears of inadequate resources — including food, jobs, and housing. Xenophobia is a more generalized fear of having empathy.

     Murder, and authorized killing, is much more difficult if a person empathizes with the other. The first step in preparing for a group, or country, to go to war is dehumanize the opposition — to make them non-persons and to fully override any possibility for empathy. Most major world religions (I don’t know of any that do not but there is a lot I do not know) emphasize empathy (say that quickly five times in succession) — via some variant of what is called the “Golden Rule” in Christianity.

     In the New Testament, the accepted words of Jesus indicate that the Golden Rule is more important than almost every other law or rule. It is not that large of a stretch to say that the Golden Rule is just a lengthy definition of empathy. Certainly, the parables and lessons of Jesus (on compassion, tolerance, and generosity) have empathy at their heart. Deliberately turning away from generosity causes many problems.

     One may not be able to truly “walk in another’s footsteps” but we can all try.

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Instability: Causing searches for simple answers

     The world is complex. We have a lot of people cohabiting the planet. Everyone has legitimate concerns about having enough food, potable water, shelter, clothing, and that bit extra that makes life enjoyable to keep struggling with the challenges. Everywhere there is change and change is typically scary and a lot of it is not expected to move in an easy direction. It doesn’t appear that there is anyone trying to pave the road ahead before we start moving along.

     This — and a whole lot more — makes the world a stressful place in which to be. It also seems that there are those whose primary motivations are to make things harder and worse. So, it isn’t unreasonable that most of us are frustrated and many of us are angry. How to make things better? How do we keep our families sheltered, fed, clothed, and able to live to our potential?

     Wouldn’t it be lovely if there was a button over on the wall that will cure all problems and make the world a better place? Wouldn’t it be nice if there were simple solutions to our complex problems?

     But yes! There is a magician that exists who can do just that. Problems? Why sure, but they are caused by this group or that group — just get rid of them or severely restrict them and the problems will disappear. Problems with changes to the environment, technology, or work procedure and educational needs? Broadcast (or stream) funny programs, interviews, and programs that will make the magician seem to be the person to be able to easily address such. Better yet, make them all disappear! There are no problems with climate change because the magician says they no longer exist. There is no shift in automation and technology and all existing jobs will forever exist. Existing fossil fuel use does not affect the environment and it will last forever which means we don’t have to find other supplies. A wave of the magician’s wand and you can relax. Just hand over control and she or he, will handle everything. Worries are all gone.

     Doesn’t everyone feel better? And an awful lot of people do feel better — they have handed off responsibility and all will get better and — if it doesn’t — it certainly isn’t their fault. It is certainly tempting. I often spend a few minutes just sitting back and pondering how much easier it would be to hand my conscience and my morals and my general decisions over to another person. (And it is easier — it is just almost never “better”.)

     But, don’t look “behind the curtain”. You don’t want to know what the magician is really doing. You want to believe information that is issued that indicates everything is great again — and those potholes you encountered while driving no longer exist. And mostly — you do NOT want to know what directions the magician is taking things because, unless you are among the lucky and privileged few, things are going to get a lot worse.

     I love democracy but it is a pain in the rear. It takes time to listen to everyone and sit down and decide what meets almost everyone’s needs and, for those whose needs it does not meet, minimizes the negative effects. And, being aware of potential problems, the “Founding Fathers” knew that active participation in democracy requires education and the ability, and urge, to investigate things for oneself. Change is fast. Democracy, and group leadership, is slow.

     If part of the group is working hard to prevent working together, it becomes even slower — too slow. Things will keep getting worse faster than they can be addressed. Yet, there is no way to force those who want to obstruct discussion and avoid decisions to cooperate — that is not the way democracy works. So the magician looks better and better to the general public — and the groups who are obstructing tend to pick the magician that they want you to choose. This is called “populism”. It works well for them. They prevent democracy from working in its normal stumbling fashion and it makes people want the magic solution more and more. It can’t happen here? Unfortunately, it can, and it is happening in many places throughout the world.

     Is there a solution? Keep looking behind the curtain. Keep all the mess and process visible. Keep checking on what is said — especially if it reinforces “what you suspected was true” as it is so much easier to reinforce preconceptions. And be patient with each other and the process. Yes, it is a mess. Yes, it is slow. But yes, it really does have much better long-term results than placing the power in the hands of a magician who has to stay behind the curtain to fool you as to what is happening.

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