Gifting: An Intersection of Desires

     ‘Tis the season (although, fairly, this newsletter’s topic may be a bit on the late side) for gifts and giving. Together, they create a situation of “gifting”. To gift someone is to give and for it to be accepted. Just giving is not sufficient. You might say, “well if I have given something to them then they have accepted it, haven’t they”. No, not really. To just take possession is not quite the same as acceptance. acceptance is a combination of receiving, possession and acknowledgement.

     Giving is also not quite as clearcut as many might tend to believe. If you give there are no attachments. It is no longer “yours” and any preconceptions you may have had about how that gift would be used or appreciated is no longer in your hands. They may throw it away, ignore it, sell it, put it into a “white elephant” sale, or put it onto a pedestal as their newly favorite possession. Whatever they do with the gift is fully their right.

     Nor is a gift necessarily appreciated — although that is the goal. When choosing a gift, there are at least two people’s desires coming into play. (It is possible that it must also be appreciated by a third party or parties.) High priority is giving something that the recipient will want. However, highest priority is to give something that the recipient will want AND something that you will enjoy giving to the other — an intersection of desires.

     If it is something that only the recipient will enjoy, it may still be a good gift — but it is somewhat of an anonymous gift. The gift could have come from anyone — or even could have come from themself. When you give something that you want to give, it means that the gift means something to you also. There is a much better chance that the gift will act as a mutual experience between the two of you. This can foster greater closeness and increase the likelihood that the gift (if kept) will remind the recipient of you.

     It is sometimes said that a true gift is “something from oneself” or “a gift of the heart”. Certainly, in the Christian tradition, the gifts to the Christ child from the Three Magi are of less importance than (in modern tradition — not noted anyplace in the Bible) those gifts from “the little drummer boy”. They are still of import — not because they are expensive, precious, items of the time, or as they may be interpreted as representing — but because of the long, and difficult, journey of the Three Magi. It is the journey, and recognition, that is the true gift.

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Perseverance: Life One Step at a Time

     There is a Christmas movie (yes, there are lots of Christmas movies) called “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”. In it, there is one musical scene where a song called “Just Put One Foot in Front of the Other” (and soon you’ll be walking out the door). It isn’t quite an earworm but I find myself singing it to myself when I am faced with something difficult, terrifying, or frustrating. Guess what? It seems to help. In this, I am not alone as many people find inspiration and solace in music.

     Still, this song embodies a true situation. How do we get through the door to inside (or outside)? One foot at a time (or one turn of the wheel on a wheelchair). There may not be much observable progress after that first footstep but it is what gets you to, and through, that doorway.

     Perseverance and Inertia seem to be bookends. As long as you don’t move (physically, spiritually, or any other way) then you are “safe” within where you are used to being. You may tell yourself that you don’t like where you are but, as long as you are not moving, you must be sufficiently comfortable. Once you do take that first step, think that first thought, or agree to that first point of advice then you can progress towards your goal as long as you keep “putting one foot in front of the other”.

     Often, we start feeling impatience. We want to arrive at our destination as quickly as possible — the old “are we there yet?” situation. Not only is it required that we go from the origination to the destination “one step at a time” but is to our advantage to do such. This gives time to enjoy the journey as well as providing “checkpoints” that lets us verify that we are still heading towards our goal — or to give us second thoughts as to whether we still want that original destination.

     But, I primarily start singing the song to myself when I find myself afraid to take that next step. It seems to ease the anxiety by reminding me that it is ONLY the next step. It doesn’t have to be perfect and it doesn’t even have to be in the “right” direction because there will be yet an additional “next step” and I will have a chance to reposition it.

     Do you proceed one step at a time? Do you find yourself reluctant or afraid? Many do, so you are in good company. Remember that all you can do is keep moving — everything else will happen according to many factors, most of which are not even close to being under your control.

     Ideas & Interpretations is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

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