Do you have children who are picky with foods? They don’t eat one of the food groups or the portion isn’t big enough or they would have preferred to have had two desserts and no vegetables? It is beyond their ken to truly visualize not having food and being very glad to have any.
Although this newsletter is titled to be about food, it is really about the realities of knowing what it is like to be without via experience and the blessings that exist when you can experience having it. It can apply to food, shelter, transportation, good water (I have this tendency to often say, after a long drink of water, “I love water”), clean air, safety, love, or whatever quality you can think of that is not inherent (though perhaps it should be).
Growing up without
Once upon a time (in a galaxy very close but seeming far away), my birth family went through many periods of financial struggle. I have never starved, wondering whether I would last to the next day, because my parents always somehow made it not be the case. Nor have I had to sleep in a car or a back alley. But I sometimes slept on the floor and then, when a paycheck came in, on a mattress on the floor.
I most remember the periods of stretching food as far as we could (maybe that is why having good food is so precious to me nowadays). A few times we were on food stamps and I remember the three pound blocks of Velveeta (or some other processed cheese) and the two pound tubs of margarine. One of my uncles was stationed in Alaska and, for a couple of years, we received a case of canned salmon for Christmas. There were salmon burgers twice a week for the next two months.
One of the dishes that lingered the most for me was “ham and beans”. This meant soup made with a ham hock and lima (or butter) beans. We had that five dinners a week for what seemed like months (though I am certain it wasn’t for that long). Although I can eat butter beans now (60 years later), it is always with memories rising to the surface.
When buying clothes, they were purchased from the bargain racks of a local thrift store. I remember the delight I felt when I got a pair of bell bottom jeans three or four years after they were fashionable. They didn’t last long as the fabric was pretty thin but the rhinestone designs on them made me smile. Thank goodness, no one ever razzed me about them though, as I said, they were badly out of fashion and I never encountered anyone else with a pair while walking through the school aisles.
I had relatives who had even less than I did so I sometimes felt “rich”. Feelings of richness or poorness is always a matter of comparison. I had a few friends whose families were “professional” (a banker’s son and a dentist’s son) and I slept over in the dentist’s son’s home a time or two. It was the first time I had ever even heard of an electric toothbrush.
Refugees and Immigrants
In the case of a refugee, the movement from their country is not voluntary. They either no longer have a home or their home area is not safe for them (politically or physically). Immigrants have more control over their movement. They want to move and they have a chance to prepare for the move.
In both cases, they have inherent motivation to do better in the new country than they were doing in their previous country. For a refugee, it may just be the chance to continue living. If jobs are available, they are usually willing to do any job that will allow them to survive. Often, these jobs are not in accordance with their prior positions or training. It is only when jobs are NOT available, that problems surface. Immigrants who have options have a lower crime rate than that those that already have citizenship including born citizens.
I had a grandfather to my two older children who immigrated to the US. In his original country, he was an engineer. When he arrived, he no longer qualified to pursue his engineering career. He did a number of things including working with a fast food franchise and owning a health food store. He could not be an engineer but he could, and did, do what he could. This happens with many refugees, or involuntary immigrants. They drop from “professional” careers to labor careers.
Although fictionalized, “Moscow on the Hudson” with Robin Williams is a good illustration of an immigrant/refugee’s process. Robin’s character took many different jobs to continue to survive. He was also fortunate to make some good, supportive, friends early in the process. Some immigrant/refugees have members of family to help. Some have support from others of their cultural, or ethnic, group. (Some are taken advantage of by others of their cultural, or ethic, group because they are ill-advisedly trusted.)
In all cases, they have inherent motivation to do their very best.
No one wants to stay poor
My parents were not always at the upper line of the lower income group. Sometimes they were at lower line of the middle income group. No vacations but they did have the ability to buy a home (in the 1960s, a steady income at minimum wage made such things possible) and they could send us to school and we had the privilege of being able to stay in school and study. No significant savings. I was supported in being the first of my family to graduate from college via social support arising from the death of my father (a Korean “Conflict” veteran) when I was 14.
During those periods when my parents (and the children) lived on unemployment and food assistance, my brother and I could always hear them talking about possible jobs and methods of stretching what savings they had. As part of their midwestern job ethics, they wanted to leave unemployment and assistance as soon as possible.
My father did various jobs and tried a few businesses. Alas, he had neither the background nor the preparation to make a business succeed. He only knew how to work hard and that, unless one is very lucky, is not enough.
What can be done?
I truly think that all in the upper income brackets should be required to spend two years in the Peace Corps or equivalent self-supported situation. They should be required to learn what is needed to live when they don’t have access to hoards of resources most of which they cannot claim to have directly earned.
Just having passed another Father’s Day, I find myself recollecting and recognizing some of what I did wrong while my children were growing up. (I am sure they have a longer list and, perhaps, leaving out some of things that I think of.) Although I don’t think that any sane parent would force deprivation upon their children when it is not required, I should have been much more ready to say “no” than to say “yes”. In particular, not having any choices for a number of years of their earlier years would probably have led to better hygiene and room cleanliness. Sets of chores would have been useful to them as well as the family. Helping me to repair things would have taught them more basic skills.
What are my excuses? Well, number one was probably not wanting to be the “bad guy”. It is harder to justify a decision that requires constraint when living in a situation where there is no need for tight budgets. Another one, with which others (including professionals) agreed with, was to be “fair” and “consistent” with older half-siblings who basically did whatever they wanted to. I should have ignored their advice and my uncertainty.
Count your blessings
There are songs about counting blessings. I truly do that. I don’t end up with a sum where I say “oh, I have 347 blessings today”. I just try to be aware of those blessings that I have. It is particularly useful when faced with a situation of anger or frustration. A driver does something rather dumb and I say to myself (sometimes out loud) “well, Charles, when you are a perfect driver, you can yell at others”. Sometimes my wife will complain that I am always trying to envision solutions to problems before they ever occur (and are often unlikely to occur) but the other side of that is that, by being aware of how things COULD go wrong, I am also very aware of my blessing of them not having gone wrong.
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