When I was 14, my father drove his car into our garage-converted-into-a-recreation-room, sealed the door again, sat in the car, and turned the engine on. I have never felt like any of it was my fault, even at that age and even less as I have grown older. We each make choices and the choices are our responsibility even if we have had no control over the circumstances.
What is a lifeline?
But, I have sometimes wondered if I could have been more present for my father. Perhaps, I could have been someone that was important for him to continue to be around. You may say that it should have been the other way around but those “should”s are slippery things. The reality is that we never truly know how our actions, or lack of actions, will affect others. Which is an excellent reason to always do our best even if we know sometimes we will fail.
There are many instances of real, physical, lifelines. One that immediately jumps into the front of my thoughts is with pairs of mountain climbers (perhaps even more so with rock face climbers). One is not the lifeline of the other, they are lifelines of EACH other. Either one may lose their grip and fall and, hopefully, the line between them will save a life. Occasionally, the situation may be such that the second also loses their stability and both fall to an unforeseen doom. Such is the risk.
Other lifelines are not quite so dramatic but still important. For a roofer, the lifeline may not be to another person but “just” to some part of the building that is considered stable. The same type of thing may be present for a window washer or someone installing windows on a skyscraper.
When a lifeline doesn’t have a line
One can extend the concept of a lifeline to many safety devices. A parachute or a bicycle helmet. The parachute is a lifeline for a pilot in an airplane. It is sports equipment in the case of a parachutist. A lifeline is supposed to help protect you from severe harm, and potentially death, if something goes wrong. Some are integrated like with a “governor” which notices when a vehicle is going too quickly and starts applying the brake and doing other things to protect the user.
People can be lifelines but we choose the limits.
Lifelines are still not “unbreakable” and, just like with the mountaineer team that plummets down the mountain side together, the lineless type of lifeline can still end up being a risk for both.
I had a cousin who was an alcoholic. She would call and I would listen. I considered this to be my requirement to be a good cousin to her. Once she asked for some money, which I gave to her. But, another time she asked to come stay with me as she “had no place to go”. I admit that I panicked. It is one thing to be a support and another to invite a vampire into your house. I hit my limit. It is “easy” to invite someone into your house but not so easy to have them leave again if they have severe problems. It can be like trying to save a drowning person. Are you strong enough to support them while they are trying to drown themselves and you? I said no which is something that is not easy for me. I still don’t know whether I did the “right” thing. I only know that I did what I was able to do at the time.
Everyone needs lifelines
We don’t all have them but, in my opinion, we all need lifelines. Because we can all “fall”.
Some people use rigid scheduling and life structures as lifelines. This method works until it breaks. They often break. Many more have a friend (not always reliable) to whom we can stretch out and have them hold our hands. That person may be a relative such that, in theory, there are two lifelines between you. One is as someone you trust and the other is a familial obligation (such as myself with my cousin). My wife is my partner and best friend so I trust that lifeline a lot. But, based upon my life experiences (starting at the beginning of this piece), I refuse to allow myself to rely on any lifeline. Whether that is a strength or a weakness is something I do not know.
If a person has no lifelines
In the US, we have an example of someone with no lifelines as a prominent figure in electoral politics. He has no one to rely on and there is no one who can rely upon him. Everything, and everyone, is a potential threat. He must always think of himself first and only of himself. Without any external line for safety, the walls have to be built “solid” but they can never be solid enough. As for the safety others, what does he care?
Who, what, and where are your lifelines?
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