Assumptions: a deadly block to communication

 

     We have a good friend of the family who has a saying. "To assume is to make an ass of you (u) and me". It's a good way to remember the danger of making assumptions.

     So, what's so dangerous about assumptions? Just what IS an assumption? An assumption is a lack of communication. Even though the other person, or persons, have not said something you tell yourself that you know what they are thinking, how they would react, what they would say, or what they would do. Just writing that out makes it easy to recognize how absurd it can be.

     Yes, there are people in our lives that we may have a good chance of knowing how they would behave -- say, greater than 50% chance. Even in those cases, there is also a significant (depending on how much we REALLY know them, maybe from 5% up to 80 or 90%) chance that we are wrong.

     So, why do we continue to make assumptions? First, because it is easy. Not communicating may not have many positive benefits but it is easy. Another purpose may be because we want OUR viewpoint to be in control so by not giving the other party(ies) a chance to establish their point-of-view, we maintain the status that we want. Yet another is that it can give us the feeling that we know the other person better than we really do.

     The first step to fighting the use of assumptions is to recognize it. I might go even further to say that recognizing the use of an assumption gives us the ability to override it. That can be very hard. Just like rationalizations, assumptions are a large part of most people's everyday lives. There may be some people who seem to like to make other people's lives harder to live but there are few of us who, consciously, try to make our own lives harder.

     Once it is recognized, the next step is to stop doing it.  You may say to yourself "well, if I recognize I am doing it, why would I continue?" The same "advantages" exist with conscious awareness as in a subconscious manner. Easy, maintain control, keep an illusion.

     Stopped, the next step is to establish communication. There may be some aspects of communication that are focused enough for a blog of this nature but it is way too large of an area to discuss in general in a blog.

     But there are useful courses.