Success: We don't all have the same definition

     Everyone wants success, don’t they? But that doesn’t mean that I want what YOU mean by success. And it doesn’t mean that you want what I mean as success. This often seems to be a stumbling block in communication — the same word (or set of phonemes — or hand gestures) not meaning the same thing to each of the people conversing. This is especially so when it comes to the word “success”.

     I am in the process of learning Spanish (read/write coming along well, listen/speak not so well) and a recently introduced word is “exito” which the language program I am using (DuoLingo) defines in English as success. I checked the word history of exito and it has come from the Latin word “exitus”. And exitus has its own set of meanings — the most relevant in this case being that of termination or conclusion (also “way out” [of a place]). So we can see some linguistic connections between “exito”, “success”, “exitus, and “exit””. It also gives us a different way of approaching how the word success may really be meant to be used.

     Many people use “success” to mean a positive conclusion — which does partially fit in with the history and definition of the word (the definition does not include “positive” — thus, success could also be applied to a negative conclusion if taken only from word history.).

     In the “western” world, there are a few accepted variants associations which can be applied to success (and are often used as adjectives before the word). Wealth, fame, recognition (similar, but not identical, to fame), achievement, production, number of friends, respect, and so forth. The predominant interpretation in the western world is accumulation of wealth — though wealth is often assumed (but not necessarily true) for those who have achieved status through accomplishments or recognition.

     As a parent, I have a personal definition of success which is above all other definitions. I want my children to be able to successfully “leave the nest”. This is just a different set of words to the concept of having the next generation ready to take over from the current generation. Note that I am not talking about THEIR success — they are the only ones that can define that. I am talking about OUR success as parents. This success may occur even if they remain in our house forever — but they are ABLE to self-support; they have the internal and external resources to continue with their lives. And it means, as a parent, I may not know whether I have had “success” for many years (perhaps not until they “successfully” send out the next generation from the nest).

     In short, although there are certainly biases as to what is involved with success, there is no universally accepted definition.

     How do you define success?

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Judging versus Awareness: A difference of right and wrong

 

     I love books. But I also want others to be able to share in my love of books. So, I share them with others that I believe will appreciate them. Sometimes, they don't come back in the same condition that they went out in. Coffee rings. Bent covers. Folded over corners. Sometimes even rips or markings. The book will never be the same again. Who cares?  Many see a book as a transient physical object that has a limited lifetime. To them it's just not a big deal at all. But to me, it is very sad.

     When I was young, I would get angry at things of this nature. As I have aged (the jury is still out as to whether I have matured), I have recognized that this is not an issue of "right" or "wrong", "good" or "evil". Nevertheless, it is known to be a likely behavior that the person will treat books in this manner. So, from that point on, I will only share a book with them that I am willing to consider a gift (in fact, rather than loan I may just give it outright).

     Moving from judging to awareness. When you are judging -- there is a verdict. That verdict is based on societal, and your own personal, standards. For some things, those standards are close to universal. For other things -- definitely not. My wife and I were greatly surprised, when eating in Norway, to see the other diners eating their hamburgers with a knife and fork. They were probably equally surprised to see us pick them up. Good or bad, it would be appropriate to make sure that new guests have a knife and fork available when inviting them over for hamburgers.

     If someone you know often loses things, you try not to loan them things you want back. If someone is a driver who gets many driving tickets and is in accidents more than average, you may not want to loan them your car or accept a ride from them.

     It is difficult to come up with examples that won't be offensive because, for almost all of us, the standards that we grew up with are "the way it is". Especially in the US, where only a small percentage have learned other languages or visited other countries, it is difficult to recognize that such standards are not universal. The new global online society is beginning to expand that circle of awareness but, as is true of many things, change comes with the young.

     For me, pirating is bad. If someone has created music, video, software, games, or whatever then they should receive value back for what they have given (the value does not have to be money). But I have had it repeatedly pointed out to me that, if something is pirated, no loss of money exists because the person otherwise would not have obtained it. Parts of me can see both arguments but it is not a universal standard. Still, companies and people are allowed to be aware of it -- even try to prevent it -- even if they don't all agree on the morality of the issue.

     So, judging requires a verdict. That verdict is not universal. But awareness of the action, or behavior, is universal and is appropriate to be used as a criterion for how you interact.