For an awful lot of people (including me), the word respect triggers an earworm in the form of the song “R.E.S.P.E.C.T” written by Otis Redding and performed by Aretha Franklin. The next line in the song is “find out what it means to me”. Having researched the lyrics to this song prior to post, I found that an awful lot of the song is easy to forget. It is a “typical” arrangement of the 1960s (released 1965) that even includes the line from the television show “Laugh In” of “sock it to me, sock it to me”. But, at core, it has still been used as an inspirational song especially for the feminist movement.
What DOES it mean to you?
This is where the basis of the song starts flaring out and exposing the wide range of interpretations depending on the vector of society within which it is used. When I was growing up, you usually heard the word spoken by a large (or so they seemed) male on the other end of a pants belt (becoming obsolete nowadays) or paddle. The phrase “I’ll teach you some respect, …” (often ending with some non-flattering description of the child) preceding each slash of the belt on your rear end or possibly a leg or arm.
Is this definition of “respect” anything close to the way it was interpreted by Aretha Franklin? I don’t think so. According to recent interpretations of the word respect, the Merriam-Webster includes such synonyms as “consideration, esteem, deference, or relevance”.
In southern Kansas (and, I am pretty sure, most of the South) respect was a synonym for FEAR. I guess that they had never heard of Merriam-Webster. Although used in the context of a father punishing their child (usually son), it was more widely used within the context of race “relations” between those of power and those who don’t have power.
Is there any connection between the definitions? Well — if one stretches the matter. It is possible to say that enabling fear of one person by another could be a method of physically forcing deference (or submission) of one person to another. But, I’m pretty sure that neither Otis nor Aretha had this connection in mind.
What should respect mean?
We have said that Aretha Franklin did not use the word “respect” as a synonym for fear. What did she use it for? The song has been claimed by some as one promoting the feminist movement. What meaning would be applicable?
I tend to lean towards dictionary definitions. I recognize that language is a “living” item and changes both in spelling and meaning. And dictionaries don’t always follow along with current usage (which can be an advantage when it isn’t a permanent shift but, rather, a temporary bump). But it is a baseline. As mentioned above, the first two synonyms are consideration and esteem. That seems to work in well with the desired goals of the feminist movement.
History shapes our responses
As mentioned above, respect was NOT used in the dictionary way within my childhood. So, just like the stages of growth of an embryo, my reactions to the word first react based on childhood definitions and only move on to primary definitions later. And I prefer the dictionary, primary, definitions.
But others, who have NOT internalized dictionary definitions that may clash with childhood memories, will probably continue to use the word as a synonym for fear. That is likely to confuse others.
It is the same with other words. Within our worlds, we use language the way those around us have used them. They may, or may not, agree with dictionaries and how others in different families, regions, or even countries make use of the words. Which is just one more reason why active listening is key to communication to make sure one understands what the other is attempting to say.
Face-to-face gives the opportunity for faster clarification of communication
It is possible to use active listening skills within any medium but the potential for speed depends on immediacy. Active listening in an electronic thread requires long, slow (even if responded to immediately (which is not ideal with active listening)), open-ended responses. I say “G”. You say “I heard you say “G. I understand that to mean gg. Am I understanding correctly?” It is potentially faster face-to-face.
And I do mean potentially. It is just as possible (and, for some people, more likely) to have the scenario go. I say “G” and they respond “what, you gg? How dare you do that. That’s disgusting.” Or respond with an insult. I find it most difficult to deal with one who responds with an insult that indicates they not only didn’t understand what I said but didn’t even read it. The first word may have taken them in directions that may only be peripheral to one meaning of the beginning and ends up in an entirely different place.
No easy solutions
Some states and countries have started introducing the topics of critical thinking, fact-checking, and active listening into school curricula, advancing in complexity as the grades ascend. But these types of courses take time and energy and veer away from the popular quantitatively evaluated curricula so it takes long-term commitment.
It would be good to have easy access to such courses for all ages at all times.
That has not been the trend in the United States. Between class sizes (my wife’s last 5th grade class size was 34) and testphilia (it seems everyone wants to be able to compare schools with numbers. That doesn’t work well with soft, or people, skills.) the skills needed for living with each other don’t seem to rank high in the U.S.
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