Gifted: The double-edged sword

 

     Most school districts in the United States have something called a "gifted" program. My wife (a lifelong teacher) was the head of the gifted program for one school district in California once upon a time. I suspect that other countries have programs that are similar but I am ignorant of them. (I would be happy to hear about them.)

     In the case of the school districts, "gifted" meant the ability to excel on various academic tests and within school performance. The word "gifted" can certainly be used for other attributes -- and should be (perhaps more often than it is). Gifted as an athlete. Gifted as a musician whose instrument is played as if it was a part of their body. Gifted as a generous, giving, person. Gifted in external beauty. Name any attribute that is celebrated by a society, or some subset of society, and there will be people who will be considered as "gifted" within that group.

     The advantage in being identified as gifted (in whatever area you are being classified) is to be able to get, or qualify for getting, additional incentives and training within your focal strength. In the case of academic giftedness, it means classes that challenge a person more and prepare the people for more advanced courses quicker. In the case of athletic giftedness, it may mean additional coaching, trophies, scholarships, and being higher on recruiters examination roles.

      Most high schools (in the US) have yearbooks. There is often a section called "Most likely to" which apply to the various "gifted" categories as well as ones considered humorous (or insulting). When the yearbook is passed around to classmates for signatures and notes, any additional mention often focuses on the area of giftedness -- acknowledging what continues to be acknowledged.

     There is nothing wrong about appreciating, and encouraging, strong "gifted" foci. But, it can be a burden to be ONLY acknowledged for that "gifted" quality. Everyone has gifts. Everyone has areas in which they most need to improve. Sometimes a person will be gifted in more than one area but there is a hierarchy of recognition of gifts. A person considered beautiful according to societal norms may ALSO be very intelligent, very caring, and very empathetic. They may struggle throughout their life to have acknowledgement of those non-praised aspects. "Blonde jokes" are not only hurtful but may also be self-determining.

     This focus on the area of "gifted" qualities can become a burden if it goes out of balance. In fact, it is possible to push a person to the "burnout" stage if perfection becomes the goal and assumption. A talented child may lose all interest in sports after having been pushed to never fail. In academics, there can never be a mistake -- one missed question is a catastrophe (and has been known to even lead to suicide). And, if that focus doesn't have any balance, what happens when a talented young athlete -- who has focused on their sport all of their life -- has a severe compound fracture which cannot be set correctly?

     If a particular "gifted" quality is acknowledged and praised, then the person with that characteristic may find it difficult to be treated as a whole person. "Brainy" children may be ostracized from the other children and have a difficulty in being able to learn to socialize due to lack of opportunity. While a person judged beautiful by societal norms may also have other internal attributes that are more useful to a full, active, life -- the societal pressures to accentuate that "gift" may push them away from becoming better integrated into society. Likewise, the high school football star may be fantastic in business classes and practical application and also have a great ability to do well academically -- but the pressure to perform within their gift can make it harder for them to achieve, or be acknowledged for, balance in their lives.

     These "shadow aspects" of the "gifted" have a strong need to be acknowledged and nurtured in order to have a good, balanced life -- especially for those whose "gift" may decrease over the years (for example, physical prowess or external beauty).

Work Ethic versus Burnout

 

     I grew up in a matriarchal household with my mother having lived her childhood through the Great Depression. Under such conditions, all was used until it was dust, all food disappeared from plates, you got something new only if there was nothing that could be reused or improvised, and you continued to work until there was no more work to do. When under economic depression conditions (personal or societal), it was a very reasonable, rational, approach to life. They did not want my generation to have to go through it -- and I don't want my children to have to go through it. But, it was an overwhelming factor within the environment of my childhood.

     We did not leave the table until our plates were clean. But we did not choose our portion sizes. Sometimes, at our two or three times a year restaurant visits, my mother didn't want to finish her meal -- so I was expected to finish hers in addition to mine. Unsurprisingly, I had weight issues and continue to fight the feeling that I MUST clean the plate. I have a slogan I have devised -- "waste or waist". If one chooses their portion size (or are willing to have leftovers/"doggy bags") then requiring a clean plate can be reasonable. If the portion size is not personally chosen and it is not feasible to take it away (such as on trips) then the clean plate mentality can be quite detrimental to health. This completion mentality also applied to daily work.

     My mother was always working. If she was on a paid job, she worked from the time she clocked in until she clocked out -- only taking legally required breaks. As the years passed (and her health declined, in addition) she could allow herself to rest at home -- but only after all other work items were done (dusting, vacuuming, polishing, washing, straightening, putting away, ...) But, during my childhood, she was always doing. If she finished one set of required duties, she would start something else. It effected a considerable aversion to home canning for me -- it's great if you need it or like doing it but if it is a matter of keeping busy then, perhaps, it isn't quite as wonderful.

     Like a leaf in a storm, I was part of my mother's continuous travail. In general, that was good for me as I learned to search for what needed to be done -- and to do it. (Though, if you look at a previous blog, you will see this has some tiresome side-effects). Luckily, studying and reading were considered to be working and, thus, I did very well in school as well as helped clean the house and yard daily.

    My mother did not suffer from burnout as far as I know. I doubt that she had ever heard of the word. Nor had her parents or grandparents. But she had little energy left to do anything with my brother or myself. She had little time, or energy, to pursue any interests she might have had for herself. She tried to get her GED three times and, each time, was diverted away from her goal.

     When you are cleaning a house or doing a specific physical task, there is an end (unless you are totally unable to accept less than perfection). When you are doing many non-physical tasks for yourself, or a company, there is no ending. It is always possible to contact one more potential customer, work on one more program function, connect up with one more person, (write one more blog).

     So, we end up with ways to approach work ethics and burnout (which, as you probably already noticed, applies to other activities such as eating). I would suggest that a work ethic is doing the work that needs to be done. But burnout happens when no limit is set -- no ending. Physical activities often have a built-in limit. Non-physical activities rarely do. If you hit a burnout, there is no energy left for anything else and, eventually, no energy left to do that "core" set of activities you consider most important. Even more, there is no energy left to prepare oneself for the future -- and that hurts everyone.

     In work, in eating, and, in many other aspects of our lives, limits are healthy and necessary.