Imposter Syndrome: Preemptive sabotage

 

     I did a blog on Imposter Syndrome last year. But that blog was more about what it is and how you can work with it and overcome it. There are other aspects of that feeling. One. in particular, is what I would call "preemptive sabotage". If you aren't comfortable feeling like you are suited for a role then why not demonstrate that lack of ability? You aren't an imposter if you really aren't able to do it and shouldn't do it, right?

     This aspect is closely related to "Fear of Success". The rationales are slightly different but the methods of achievement are quite parallel.

     Not up to it physically? Oversleep those important meetings. When I was growing up, I didn't enjoy being home very much and school was my escape (I know that, for most people, it works the other way). Somehow, I was never able to convince the schools or the teachers to open up on holidays and weekends but I did succeed in having my major childhood illnesses during school holidays quite a bit more than statistically likely. I didn't want to be home, didn't want to be physically available to do things (other than reading and watching cartoons), and so I was sick. Mumps? Measles? Chicken Pox? Stomach Flus? Usually, they occurred during winter/Christmas break so that I had time to get sick and get better before school resumed though I certainly succeeded in phasing out of spring breaks also. Single day holidays were usually safe as there was a danger that I wouldn't be well enough to return to school if I got sick.

     Of course, there are also those self-inflicted aspects which help one not to show up. One can get into all kinds of reasons behind them but stage fright is certainly one way to do it. You've prepared for the possibilities, memorized your lines, perhaps memorized all of the lines such that you could play any role and, ready to step onto the stage, you can't make that first step. You've walked up and down that stairway hundreds of times but, on the way to a presentation, you miss a step, pull a tendon, and limp into that meeting 20 minutes late.

     Just completed a complex assignment? Worked extra hard on it? Had to skip meals and your twentieth anniversary? Ah, just tell people around you -- especially any manager or supervisor -- "it was nothing". And they'll believe you. That doesn't mean you need to go overboard the other direction and puff yourself up until you reach true blowhard state. But, if you don't claim credit for your work there will likely be someone else who will step up and claim it for themself.

     Don't allow enough time for potential problems with traffic and you WILL sometimes miss those important meetings. In some cultures, it is worse to be early than to be late -- but you can always sit in the car, take an extra trip to the restroom, get a drink of water, or otherwise use any time that turns out to be unneeded.

     In many activities, meditative practice can be useful. Sit, imagine you are walking up to the plate and hitting the ball. Be in that meeting room showing those slides and not finding the ones you want. Practice recovering from mistakes and problems as much as you prepare for presenting it correctly. There may be a point at which you are tired of rehearsing but it is unlikely you shall ever reach a point where you have over-rehearsed.

     There are many ways to prepare. Failing to do such is also preparation -- preparation to not succeed. Follow through on what you have as your goal and dream.

Imposter Syndrome: Am I who you think I am?

 

     Once upon a time, I was scared to death of public appearances or public speaking. Then I started being part of plays in school. When I stepped onto the stage, I was no longer Charles Summers, I was Mr. Paravicini or I was the Mayor Munchkin or a member of the chorus in Bye Bye Birdie. Whoever I was, I wasn't myself. Therefore, whatever you thought of that person on the stage, it wasn't about me.

     A person doesn't have to be physically in front of others to feel reluctant to be there. Every time I write a blog, or a book, or a response to a message on social media, I know that I am subject to attacks -- either because they DO understand what I have said and disagree or because they do NOT understand what I have said (and possibly never actually read it beyond a certain word that triggered some type of reaction) and feel the need to use me as a target for a need to vent.

     In the above two cases, I am either deliberately presenting an "imposter" as an overlay of myself or I am leaving open the possibility of being considered an "imposter". 

     But when the concept of "imposter syndrome" comes up, these (though closely related) are not what is meant. This is a situation where your self-image is out of sync with the image others have of you or the role within which you have been placed. The peculiar part of this is that both can be wrong, or both right, or neither right, or neither wrong, or any mix.

     Each one of us is a mix of history, self-concept, externally applied credentials, and projection.

     Most of us enjoy a challenge. We like to do things, to make things, to achieve things that we have never accomplished before. But it is impossible to both have the certainty that we can do it and that excitement of something we have never done before. Lack of certainty requires self-belief in order to move forward. Some have more problems with that. Some do not have "enough" problems with such (they do very reckless, impromptu things -- that occasionally pay off with success).

     The dominant use of the phrase "imposter syndrome" is that of being in a day-to-day situation where the needs change on a daily, hourly, or per minute basis. When needs match up with, or require fewer than, our skills and our confidence in our abilities, there is no problem. When it becomes a new situation requiring untested abilities (and perhaps abilities that need to learned quickly) then it becomes very uncomfortable.

     If the position you are in does not put you into this situation at least occasionally, you are not being challenged and you are unlikely to be able to grow in your abilities and experience. But what is the right amount? Untested challenges 10% of the time? 25% of the time? 40% of the time? At some point, most people will lose confidence in their ability to react, and learn, quickly enough. They are an "imposter" trying to fill a position for which they don't feel they qualify.

     As the saying goes, however, "no person is an island". Each of us is (or can be, some have problem interacting with others) part of a larger group. It does not require 100% self-confidence -- we can rely some (not all) on the confidence that others put on us. We do not have to be able to do everything 100% ourselves. We can delegate, we can cooperate, we can work out mutually supportive deals. That requires the recognition that help is needed and a specific type of self-confidence that allows us to ask for help and recognize that asking is a strength and not a weakness.

     We are all imposters at some point in time -- until we become (at least, in part) the character that we are fated to play.